Wayne Campbell: Well, that's all the time we had for our movie. We hope you found it entertaining, whimsical and yet relevant, with an underlying revisionist conceit that bullied the films emotional attachments to the subject matter.Garth Algar: I just hoped you didn't think it sucked.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Wayne Campbell: Or, imagine, being able to be magically whisked away to... Delaware.
[pauses]
Wayne Campbell: Hi. I'm in Delaware.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Wayne Campbell: I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.
• Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Wayne Campbell: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat".
Noah Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne Campbell: Exactly.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne Campbell: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beetles.
Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beetles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Garth Algar: Did you ever see that "Twilight Zone" where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 30
