Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!Kirk Lazarus: Just because it's a theme song doesn't make it any less true.
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Tyra Banks: You're not married, you're on the wrong side of 40, and child-less. Somebody close to you said: One more flop, and it's over.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?
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Tugg Speedman: This is insane. Are you telling me you're quitting the movie? We're supposed to be a unit!
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit.
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Cody: That's C-4, dips**t. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American god dammit! He's making a f**king sweater here, I'm tryin' to put tiger bomb on this jungle's nuts.
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Kirk Lazarus: Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
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Byong: We have not yet received payment. Price now 100 million, or Simple Jack dies.
Les Grossman: Okay, let me get this straight. You want 100 million... oh wait, I have a better idea. How about I send you a hobo's d**k cheese?
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Kirk Lazarus: Yo asshole! This motha' f**ka's dead. Ain't no Chris Angel Mindfreak, David Blane trapdoor horse s**t jumpin' off here!
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Jeff Portnoy: [heading towards an ox] I need to bite its hide... and wear its stomach like a unitard.
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Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never do a full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.
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Kirk Lazarus: We wearin' Earth Mamma's natural night camo.
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Total Quotes: 41
