There's Something About Mary Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from There's Something About Mary by your favorite characters including Ted Stroehmann, Pat Healy and Mary Jensen.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That's - how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted: That's right. That's - that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
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Pat Healy: Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.
Mary: And what's that?
Pat Healy: I work with retards.
Mary: Isn't that a little politically incorrect?
Pat Healy: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with.
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Paramedic: We got a bleeder!
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Pat Healy: Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.
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Ted: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.
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Ted: [narrating] From that point on, the guys looked at me in a completely different light.
High School Pal: You're a f**kin' liar!
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Dom: Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?
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Mary's Stepfather: Boy, don't make me open up a can of whoop-ass!
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Ted: What about Brett Fav... ruh?
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Pat Healy: [pretending to sound genuine] Yup, those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going.
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Total Quotes: 41