David: [watching The Bourne Identity] Y'know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but he's rocking the s**t in this one! • Rating: 7.3 / 10 • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!
• Rating: 6.5 / 10 • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: There were two sides to that billboard, and they both hurt equally.
• Rating: 6.3 / 10 • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: [looking at an anatomy model of a vagina] Where do you put the penis?
• Rating: 6.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: Before I knew, I thought you were a serial killer.
Andy Stitzer: Oh.
[chuckles]
Cal: No, I'm serious.
• Rating: 2.0 / 10 • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
[pause]
Cal: And that was a smart movie.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment.
David: There's some really great stuff in here. Really great movies in here, man. Hey, did you ever see School of Rock?
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
David: Well, this is... It's called School of... You know...
Andy Stitzer: That's nice.
David: But it stars Jack Black C**k.
Andy Stitzer: That makes sense.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Paula: Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'F**k Buddy?'
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: Well, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat on her?
Jay: [sobbing violently] Because! Duh! I'm insecure! Can't you tell?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 40
