Talladega Nights Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Talladega Nights by your favorite characters including Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton, Jr..
Cal Naughton Jr: I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-Shirt, that says, like, "I want to be formal, but I like to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party too.• Rating: 4.9 / 5.0 • Permalink
Reese Bobby: So can I help ya?
Ricky Bobby: Fine. I'll do it. But I ain't callin' you Daddy.
Reese Bobby: Well, what are you gonna to call me then?
Ricky Bobby: (Later) All right, Professor Dickweed...
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0 • Permalink
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, theres something special about him...
Ricky Bobby: Because it was Jesus right...
Cal Naughton, Jr.: yeah..
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0 • Permalink
Ricky Bobby: Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0 • Permalink
Cal: When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
Ricky: Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?
Cal: Because I like to party.
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0 • Permalink
Ricky Bobby: I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0 • Permalink
Ricky Bobby: From now on, it's Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0 • Permalink
Ricky Bobby: Wow, I feel like I'm in Highlander.
Jean Girard: What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh. Any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: For what?
Ricky Bobby: For best movie ever made.
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0 • Permalink
Susan: Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a do-er, and that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years! And it is good! And you use it! And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky! You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?!
Ricky: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
• Rating: 4.6 / 5.0 • Permalink
Ricky Bobby: (Thinking he is paralyzed) I hope you have sons! Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons who are talented, and star athletes, and they have their legs taken away! I want you to know that pain!
Lucius: Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are not paralyzed!
• Rating: 4.6 / 5.0 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 21