Running with Scissors Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Running with Scissors by your favorite characters including Augusten Burroughs, Dr. Finch and Deirdre Burroughs.
Dr. Finch: Where would we be without our painful childhoods? • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Natalie: Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died. She left him everything. He was 41 when I was 13. He told me I was pretty. And he made me believe it. One day, he broke my collar bone, and I had to hitch-hike to the emergency room, and I passed out on the side of the road, and somebody found me. My dad told him that he'd press charges and that he'd go to jail unless he donated money to my college fund. Then he did. $75, 000.
Augusten Burroughs: That's so great. So if you'd just apply--
Natalie: My dad spent it. Every penny. So that the IRS wouldn't take this house. So... I do know what it's like, Augusten... to love somebody who doesn't deserve it. 'Cause they're all you have. God, I hate my life.
Augusten Burroughs: I hate this kitchen. I need high ceilings.
Natalie: Me too.
Augusten Burroughs: Let's get rid of it then. Let's take down the ceiling.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Deirdre Burroughs: I disapprove of your choices.
Augusten Burroughs: I haven't had a choice!
Deirdre Burroughs: You did when you wrote this, didn't you?
Augusten Burroughs: You read my journal?
Deirdre Burroughs: Don't try and compete with me, Augusten. If you move back in with me, I won't allow it. You'll only get hurt. When I become a very famous woman, they'll write that I had a son who was a writer too, who doesn't compare to my brilliance. I want more for you than that.
Augusten Burroughs: Did you mix your pills again?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dr. Finch: You can't come in here, this is my mastabatorium!
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dr. Finch: My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father.
• Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Neil Bookman: I'm a f**k-up and it's your fault!
Dr. Finch: That's right, Neil. Blame your father for your inability to focus. Direct all of that rage at me if it makes you feel better.
Neil Bookman: I can't focus because of the voices! I see you for what you are. Yeah. The camera never lies. No! My parents have given you thousands of dollars and I'm still sick! You have to help me get better! You know what I do! You have to help me get better!
Dr. Finch: You're right, Neil. You're right. I've done nothing, apparently. I've never pulled any strings, gotten you a scholarship to the University of Rochester to pursue your photographic interests. Absolutely nothing.
Neil Bookman: You just wanted to get rid of me. Why won't you let me live in this house and be a part of this family?
Dr. Finch: Because I am the patriarch! And when the patriarch says jump, you jump, goddamnit! You don't co-operate, Neil, and for that, you're punished!
Neil Bookman: That's not why you won't let me live in this house. You won't let me because you're afraid of me, aren't you? Of what I could do to you in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. Huh? You're afraid of me. Aren't you, Doctor?
Dr. Finch: Our time is up, Neil. I believe we've made a breakthrough today.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Deirdre Burroughs: I need high cellings
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Hope: You know Natalie, youre so oral, you'll never get to anal
Natalie: And youll never get a d**k in your dried up c**t, you old maid!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Augusten Burroughs: According to Hope, Froyd died of kitty Lukemia. According to me Froyd died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Deirdre Burroughs: Augusten. Don't smoke my cigarettes. You have a pack of your own.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
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Total Quotes: 19