Red: Man, just listen: I would just appreciate it if both y'all would just take your shoes off; I mean, this is brand new carpet, you're tracking mud in here - Matheson, you've got British Knights on. I ain't seen anybody wear them since 1987!• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Red: Okay, guys, I know I sold y'all out, and I've been a real son of a bitch, and a s**tty friend. Saul, I'm talking to you. Dale, you're a new friend, but, uh, I can make it up, okay? I forgot "bros before hos."
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dale Denton: In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, because from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever, we are not very functional when we're high.
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you say to that?
Dale Denton: Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy s**t!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Saul Silver: Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbie in a nice retirement home.
Dale Denton: Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that.
Saul Silver: She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take s**ts! You idiot, what the hell do you do?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dale Denton: I'm gonna get us out of here!
Saul Silver: No. You're not. But it's okay.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Red: I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing s**t because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
Dale Denton: Well, you've been shot like seven times.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
SaulSilver: You still got that bong I got you when I was in Tel Aviv?
Red: Hell yeah, Bong Mitzvah! Hit it up, dude!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Saul Silver: What's up with the suit?
Dale Denton: Oh, I'm a process server, so I have to wear a suit.
Saul Silver: Wow, you're a servant? Like a butler? A chauffeur?
Dale Denton: No, no. What? No, I'm not like..
Saul Silver: Shine shoes?
Dale Denton: I'm a "process server!"
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Saul: BFFF?
Dale Denton: Best F**kin' Friends Forever, man!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Saul: When my foot was in the hole - and my groin - man, I felt like a wishbone.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 46
