Misery Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Misery by your favorite characters including Annie Wilkes and Paul Sheldon.
Annie Wilkes: When I was growing up in Bakersfield, my favourite thing in the whole world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays. Paul Sheldon: Cliffhangers.
Annie Wilkes: I know that, Mr. Man! They also called them serials. I'm not stupid you know... Anyway, my favorite was Rocketman, and once it was a no breaks chapter. The bad guy stuck him in a car on a mountain road and knocked him out and welded the door shut and tore out the brakes and started him to his death, and he woke up and tried to steer and tried to get out but the car went off a cliff before he could escape! And it crashed and burned and I was so upset and excited, and the next week, you better believe I was first in line. And they always start with the end of the last week. And there was Rocketman, trying to get out, and here comes the cliff, and just before the car went off the cliff, he jumped free! And all the kids cheered! But I didn't cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. This isn't what happened last week! Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us! This isn't fair!!
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Annie Wilkes: I thought you were good Paul... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
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Virginia McCain: Well, whoever she is, she sure likes to read a lot.
Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: Virginia, I'm flattered that you think I have that kind of energy. I figure that if I can't find Paul Sheldon, at least I'll find out what he wrote about.
Virginia McCain: Well, what do you expect to find? A story about a guy who drove his car off a cliff in a snowstorm?
Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: You see, it's just that kind of sarcasm that's given our marriage real spice.
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Virginia McCain: [talking to Jim Taylor] No, he's not here. I don't know where he is, he never tells me anything any more. Probably out having an affair somewhere.
[Buster walks in]
Virginia McCain: Oh, here he is.
[hands Buster phone]
Virginia McCain: It's Jim Taylor, he wants to know who you're having an affair with.
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Annie Wilkes: Now that's an oogie mess.
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Annie Wilkes: What's the ceiling that Dago painted?
Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?
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Annie Wilkes: It's the swearing, Paul. It has no nobility.
Paul Sheldon: These are slum kids. I was a slum kid. Everybody talks like that.
Annie Wilkes: THEY DO NOT! At the feedstore do I say, "Oh, now Wally, give me a bag of that F-in' pig feed, and a pound of that bitchly cow corn"? At the bank do I say, "Oh, Mrs. Malenger, here is one big bastard of a check, now give me some of your Christ-ing money!" THERE, LOOK THERE, NOW SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
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Paul Sheldon: You know I never tasted meatloaf quite like this, what's your secret?
Annie Wilkes: My secret is, I always use fresh tomatoes, never canned. And to give it that extra zip, I mix a little Spam with the ground beef!
Paul Sheldon: Can't get this in a restaurant in New York.
Annie Wilkes: Oh, no.
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Annie Wilkes: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a homemade pair of writing slippers?
Paul Sheldon: Annie, what's the matter?
Annie Wilkes: What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you what's the matter! I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can't write on this paper, Anne!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!
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Annie Wilkes: God came to me last night and told me your purpose for being here. I am going to help you write a new book.
Paul Sheldon: You think I can just whip one out?
Annie Wilkes: Oh, but I don't think Paul, I know.
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Total Quotes: 22