Grandpa: Listen to me. I got no reason to lie to you. Don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. F**k a lotta women, kid. Not just one woman, a lotta women. • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dwayne: [after finding out he is color blind and can't fly jets] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
• Rating: 9.8 / 10 • Permalink
Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: [1/2 asleep] What is it?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.
• Rating: 7.3 / 10 • Permalink
Pageant Official Jenkins: What in the world?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Richard: There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Sheryl: What did he say?
Richard: I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl: Frank...
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a f**king paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a f**king sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Frank: Really?
Grandpa: Forget about it.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Sheryl: She can't go. They've got some equestrian thing.
Richard: Oh, they do that horse s**t every weekend.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Olive: Why were you unhappy?
Frank: I fell in love with someone...
Grandpa [blows nose loudly]
Frank: ... who didn't love me back.
Olive: Who?
Frank: One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive: Him? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank: Very much so.
Olive: That's silly.
Grandpa: There's another word for it...
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 38
