A collection of the best quotes from Happy Gilmore by your favorite characters including Happy Gilmore, Shooter McGavin and Virginia Venit.
Shooter McGavin: Damn you people. Go back to your shanties. • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Happy Gilmore: [to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way or you'll pay, listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Chubbs: Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah? What happened?
Chubbs: They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
Happy Gilmore: Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?
Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!
[Shows Happy his wooden hand]
Happy Gilmore: OH MY GOD!
Chubbs: Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of the bastard's eyes out though. Look at that.
[Shows Happy a small glass jar with an eyeball in it]
Happy Gilmore: You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, grandma.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of s**t like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] you eat pieces of s**t for breakfast?
Shooter McGavin: No... I...
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Happy Gilmore: [to caddy] Where were you on that one, dips**t?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Shooter McGavin: Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
[Shooter's ball lands on Mr. Larson's foot]
Mr. Larson: That's two thus far, Shooter.
Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.
Mr. Larson: And *you* can count, on *me* -- waiting for *you* in the parking lot.
Crowd: Ooooooh.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 39
