Rufus: In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me. • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Serendipity: I'm responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time.
Bethany: Nineteen?
Serendipity: Yeah, the one about the kid, by himself in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them off? I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of s**t.
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Bartleby: Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what should be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
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Rufus: So what do we do now?
Metatron: Well, I say we get drunk, because I'm all out of ideas.
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Rufus: We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
Cardinal Glick: Cute. Really cute. Now come on, kids, playtime with the Cardinal is over.
Rufus: Worked for Moses.
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Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany: And its platform of non-involvement during the Holocaust?
Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.
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Loki: You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off.
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Bartleby: Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.
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Jay: You know, I hear pregnant women can have sex until their third trimester.
Bethany: I'll keep that in mind.
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Rufus: Very basic strategy. If your enemies know where you are, then don't be there.
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Total Quotes: 59
