Clerks Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Clerks by your favorite characters including Jay, Randal Graves and Dante Hicks.
Indecisive Video Customer: Well, what about these two?Randal Graves: Oh, they suck.
Indecisive Video Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal Graves: No, I wasn't.
Indecisive Video Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Indecisive Video Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Indecisive Video Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal Graves: And I hope it feels good.
Indecisive Video Customer: You hope WHAT feels good?
Randal Graves: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Indecisive Video Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here.
Randal Graves: You'll be missed.
Indecisive Video Customer: Screw you!
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Randal Graves: Why don't you join her and make a little bathroom bam bam?
Dante Hicks: I love your sex talk. It's so kindergarten. "Poo poo". "Wee wee".
Randal Graves: F**k you.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Veronica Loughran: Hi, Randal.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven?
Dante Hicks: Shut up!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as a oral bowel movement.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] F**kin' d**khead.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, and we're gonna get some p***y, and I'm gonna f**k this bitch, and f**k this bitch, I'll f**k ANYTHING THAT MOVES! What the f**k you lookin at, I'll kick yo f**kin ass! Shit yeah. Doesn't that f**ker owe me 10 bucks? You know, f**kin tonight, we're gonna rip off that f**ker's head, and take out his f**kin' SOUL. Hey, what's up baby, what's up, sluts?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Randal Graves: My mom's been f**kin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jay: I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and s**t.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.
Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. Who was it? Randal?
Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?
Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 66