Judge Smails: How about a Fresca? • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...
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Carl Spackler: I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.
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Al Czervik: While we're young.
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Al Czervik: He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.
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Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: Judge, Al, I don't play golf... for money... against people.
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Judge Smails: Don't you people have jobs?
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Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.
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Judge Smails: Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course?
Groundskeeper Sandy: Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site.
Judge Smails: Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin.
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Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.
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Total Quotes: 74
