Caddyshack Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Caddyshack by your favorite characters including Ty Webb, Judge Elihu Smails and Carl Spackler.
Al Czervik: Hey, you scratched my anchor! • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Judge Smails: Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees judge Smalls in the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Al Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 74