Bruce Almighty Quotes
A collection of the best quotes from Bruce Almighty by your favorite characters including Bruce Nolan, God and Evan Baxter.
Bruce: First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber - pardon me, Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with real talent can do when great opportunities are given to them instead of me. Anyway, I'm here with Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me, why did you toss the "blue heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown, while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Bruce: Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and... I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news
[breaks wind]
Evan Baxter: Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla
[rapid unitelligible gibberish]
Evan Baxter: Blabity blab bulla blah
[explosive gibberish]
Evan Baxter: [continues for 35 seconds]
[vaguely Chinese]
Evan Baxter: Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE
[nervous laugh]
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Bruce: God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Bruce: Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes.
• Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Bruce: God, why do you hate me?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Bruce: We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Bruce: I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, f**kers!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Grace: You still have to go over there, the nurse is waiting.
Bruce: Oh, do I have to?
Grace: Oh, it's not going to hurt. In fact I think you might find it quite pleasurable.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
God: [Reading from a manuscript of what Bruce said the previous evening] "The gloves are off, God.", "God has taken my bird and my bush.", "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass.", "Smite me, O Mighty Smiter." Now, I'm not big on blasphemy, but that last one made me laugh.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 35