Carol Connelly: Do you want to dance?
Melvin Udall: I've been thinking about that for a while.
Carol Connelly: [standing up] Well?
Melvin Udall: No.
 • Movie: As Good As It Gets • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Melvin Udall: I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!
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Melvin Udall: People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.
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Melvin Udall: Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.
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Melvin Udall: How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
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Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
 • Movie: As Good As It Gets • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
 • Movie: As Good As It Gets • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Melvin Udall: What if this is as good as it gets?
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Carol Connelly: Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?
Melvin Udall: Yes I do, as a matter of fact. And to prove it, I have not gotten personal, and you have.
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Melvin Udall: [introducing Carol to Simon] Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.
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