Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Steve Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen s**t break lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem s**tting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Kevin: He's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait 'til she leaves.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Kevin: No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Finch: Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Steve Stifler: F**k you!
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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