Jim's Dad: Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Jim's Dad: We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Jim's Dad: [on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.
 • Movie: American Pie • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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