Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
Derek Smalls: Er, not really.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Derek Smalls: We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Marty DiBergi: Do you feel that playing rock 'n' roll music keeps you a child? That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?
Derek Smalls: No. No. No. I feel it's like, it's more like going, going to a, a national park or something. And there's, you know, they preserve the moose. And that's, that's my childhood up there on stage. That moose, you know.
Marty DiBergi: So when you're playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?
Derek Smalls: Yeah.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Derek Smalls: Remember at Luton Palace we were talking about writing a rock musical based on the life of Jack the Ripper.
David St. Hubbins: Yeah!
[singing]
David St. Hubbins: You're a naughty one...
Derek Smalls, David St. Hubbins: Saucy Jack...
David St. Hubbins: You're a haughty one, saucy Jack.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Ian Faith: I've got a small bit of bad news.
Derek Smalls: Makes a change doesn't it.
Ian Faith: We've been cancelled here.
David St. Hubbins: At the hotel?
Ian Faith: No. The gig is canceled.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Derek Smalls: That's not to say I haven't had my visionary moments. I've taken acid seventy... five, seventy-six times.
Marty DiBergi: 76?
Derek Smalls: Yeah, so I've had my moments in the sky.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Derek Smalls: [on the phone] Isn't there a law against this sort of thing? Surely you can't just buy a full page ad in the music papers and publish your divorce demands.
[pause]
Derek Smalls: What do you mean 'I paid for it'?
[pause]
Derek Smalls: Joint account! F**k! Can't we just have her killed? You know people.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
Ian Faith: I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it.
Derek Smalls: Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---

Derek Smalls: We're lucky.
David St. Hubbins: Yeah.
Derek Smalls: I mean, people should be envying us, you know.
David St. Hubbins: I envy us.
Derek Smalls: Yeah.
David St. Hubbins: I do.
Derek Smalls: Me too.
 • Movie: This is Spinal Tap • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

---