David: Hey, Paula.Paula: Yeah?
David: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time, today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I - I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD - that you've been playing for two years straight - off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain!
Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
David: I don't care. Anything! I would rather - I would rather watch "Beautician And The Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothin' against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to Yah Mo Burn This Place To The Ground.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment.
David: There's some really great stuff in here. Really great movies in here, man. Hey, did you ever see School of Rock?
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
David: Well, this is... It's called School of... You know...
Andy Stitzer: That's nice.
David: But it stars Jack Black C**k.
Andy Stitzer: That makes sense.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a f**king immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
David: [watching The Bourne Identity] Y'know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but he's rocking the s**t in this one!
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 7.3 / 10 • Permalink
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: Your d**k tastes like s**t.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.6 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 6
