Carolyn Burnham: Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!
Lester Burnham: On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't f**k other women, I've never hit you, I don't mistreat you... I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you when you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn off the light when you come to bed!
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing?
Lester Burnham: Nothing.
Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating!
Lester Burnham: I was not.
Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were!
Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: Well, I see you're smoking pot now. I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter.
Lester Burnham: You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grabbing freak.
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Lester Burnham: You don't think it's kinda weird and fascist?
Carolyn Burnham: Possibly, but you don't want to be unemployed.
Lester Burnham: Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way.
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: Your father seems to think this type of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester Burnham: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a f**king prisoner while she keeps my d**k in a mason jar under the sink.
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?
Lester Burnham: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go f**k himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life.
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Buddy Kane: You like getting f**ked by the King?
Carolyn Burnham: F**k me, your majesty!
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Carolyn Burnham: You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!
 • Movie: American Beauty • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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