Cal: You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game. • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.8 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: You've gotta wait till the seed grows into a plant. Then you've gotta f**k the plant.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.8 / 10 • Permalink
[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the f**king head.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.2 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: That's a good looking grandma! My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
Andy Stitzer: Well, she's no Jack Palance.
Cal: No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady I would want to f**k Jack Palance right now.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: [talking about Trish being a grandma] You should f**k her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.2 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: Before I knew, I thought you were a serial killer.
Andy Stitzer: Oh.
[chuckles]
Cal: No, I'm serious.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 2.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: "Gandhi" baked is good. I always feel bad when I watch it baked because I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is starving his ass off.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
[pause]
Cal: And that was a smart movie.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman f**kin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman f**kin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman f**king a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.
• Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
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Total Quotes: 15