Bartleby: Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses... in blood!
[Rips shirt to reveal silver breastplate]
Bartleby: Wings, now.
Loki: I'm feeling a little exposed here ...
Bartleby: DO IT!
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Bartleby: "I do believe in this." What does that even mean?
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less!
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Bartleby: Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Bartleby: Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what should be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Loki: [to a female employee after he shot all of the board members] Gum? Oh, these guys, these men were evil. You're a pure soul. You have nothing to worry about... but you did not say "God bless you" when I sneezed.
Bartleby: LOKI!
Loki: You're getting off light!
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Loki: Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
Bartleby: You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.
Loki: Outstanding work.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just like to f**k with the clergy, man. I just love it. I just love to keep those guys on their toes.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Loki: The last four days on Earth. If I had a d**k, I'd go get laid. But we can do that next best thing.
Bartleby: What's that?
Loki: Let's kill people.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target s**ts him or herself. Try it on.
Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Loki: Hey, you know, f**k you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.
 • Movie: Dogma • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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