Jill: Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?
Jay: My girlfriend Jill found your speed dating card...
Andy Stitzer: OOhhh... yeah... right, god I've been looking for that speed dating card, thank you so much for bringing it to me.
Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?
Andy Stitzer: Ummhmm... yeah..."hurtin' for a squirtin'", yeah i wrote that.
Jill: Oh, so you wrote, "hoe fo sho'".
Andy Stitzer: Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a hoe... for sho'
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 9.7 / 10 • Permalink

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Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment.
David: There's some really great stuff in here. Really great movies in here, man. Hey, did you ever see School of Rock?
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
David: Well, this is... It's called School of... You know...
Andy Stitzer: That's nice.
David: But it stars Jack Black C**k.
Andy Stitzer: That makes sense.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Andy Stitzer: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Andy Stitzer: How many pots have you smoken?
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman f**kin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman f**kin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman f**king a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Andy Stitzer: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: Unrated • Permalink

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Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women...
Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Andy Stitzer: [Watching Beth masturbate in the tub] Wow. This is graphic.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink

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Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman.
Cal: Why do you have that?
Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.
 • Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin • Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink

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